I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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