Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
