Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
