My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
