cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
one might say we're banned from that church
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
