Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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