just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
there's paper in my vomit.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
