i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
