i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
What drink are we having for lunch?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
