For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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