u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
