this just has baby written all over it
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
