there was a trapeze. enough said
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
