I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
