in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
