I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
