God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
