we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
