what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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