its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize