I faked an abortion last night.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
