I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
