I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
