Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
