I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
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the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
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Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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