TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
is wine microwaveable?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
