I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
