Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
