We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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