Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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