I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
