Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
