what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
