I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
