Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Congratulations! We have a period
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