It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
