I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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