Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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