after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
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Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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