I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize