And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
