I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I cannot find my penis.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
