I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
