I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
