Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
