I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
