It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
