I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
