How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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