Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We need to get me chipped asap
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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