I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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