i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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