I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
