Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
