It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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