Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
