I think my vagina is haunted
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
