he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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