I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
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Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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