I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
