the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
