i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
