Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
