Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
