I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think your dad took our porno
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
