did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
