i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
