Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
