There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
