the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
