You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
