oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
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Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
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Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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