hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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