No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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